Babysitting

This has nothing to do with open enrollment. It's just a rant from one parent to another.

I have looked at babysitting from all sides now. I've been a sitter; I've hired sitters and not I am the parent of babysitters. My opinion of the institution hasn't changed one bit. I hate it. It's horribly flawed, and it really should be fixed.

The system continues because frazzled mothers everywhere dream of being able to step outside their house without smelling like kool-aid, and without having to take a second mortgage to pay for this step outside. We radically devalue the job of mother. We think anyone can do it, no training necessary. This is why we believe we can take a 15 year old girl, give her no instruction, and throw her in without supervision. Excuse me? What are we thinking? They don't even do that at McDonald's! At McDonald's, she'd be given at least a weeks worth of training and then she'd be shadowed by an employee for another week or so. But, when it comes to watching children and caring for a house, we just let that 15 year old waltz in with a 5 minute interview.

[the other extreme is found in professional day care businesses. They require the child be brought to their facility. The child must bring the right change of clothing for the day. They will participate in coloring for 15 minutes, followed by story time for 10 followed by nose picking. The child will pee/poo on schedule or they will be given a laxative/suppository. --ever wonder why childhood constipation is skyrocketing? But, these places charge $10-$15 per hour per child. with a $100 minimum.]

sorry, tangent.

As a babysitter, ever so many years ago, I hated it. I would walk into the neighbors house, they would say, "put Tommy to bed at 8:00. Here is the number where I can be reached. I'll be back at 11:00" That was the sum total of instruction that I heard. Excuse me, What do I do with Tommy between now and 8:00? I've seen Tommy, but I don't know him. I don't know what games he likes. Besides, does he really want a stranger just sitting around watching him play with his Power Rangers? What if he asks for a snack? Which are ok? A tv show? Can he play outside alone? How does he normally spend the hours between now and 8:00? What would you like me to do? What are your RULES? Not just 'no destroying the house', but really, what are your rules about playing in the living room? Eating in front of the tv? Watching PG13 videos?

As a parent, I disliked babysitters. Not that I didn't turn green with envy every time I heard of a friend being allowed out, in public, with both legs shaved and her hair done. It just never worked for me. I would ask a 17 year old to come. (I figured with 6 children in 8 years, it would be bad to have a 15 year old. Especially those times when I had extras? Then it was 10 children under the age of 9) By the time the young woman would arrive I'd have a sheet of paper with all of the rules I thought would possibly come up. (ok, it was generally three sheets of paper, but I only write on one side of the paper) She'd never read my novella. Instead, she's ask my oldest son what the rule was. If two siblings bickered, she'd ask my oldest son to settle it. If someone scraped their knee, my oldest son would be the comforter and apply the bandage. So, why was I paying this person $20 an hour. (there were a LOT of kids) If I wanted my son to be in charge, I would have hired him! One of the house rules, written on the first page of that novella, is "never ever make an older sibling enforce a rule upon a younger sibling". (yeah, it was a pain to get off the couch all the time, but I think that's why my children are best friends now. I never allowed tattling, or bossing. EVER. Even if it meant I didn't punish a child who really deserved it because I wasn't the one who caught the perpetrator.) And no amount of verbal instructions was sufficient to explain this to the babysitter, I could have stood there all day. Rarely did they want to come just to meet the children. And if they did, I couldn't get them to hear me tell them, "Don't make the oldest child do you job."

Today, I am full circle. I watch my daughters babysit. Parent A will tell my daughter to call if there are any questions. Little Bobby refuses to change into jammies and go to bed at the prescribed time. He locks himself in a bedroom. My daughter calls Parent A. They are upset because she interrupted. These parents give detailed instruction as to who the doctor is, dentist is, mother-in-law's phone number, blood type, recent illnesses, but they never quite remember to say anything about Bobby being allowed to play T rated video games.

So, how do we fix this?